For many years I felt like I had a hole in my heart. There was always this unsettling feeling that something was missing. A void that I was constantly trying to fill with different things; pets, friends, boyfriends, alcohol, food, hobbies....but every fix was temporary and never really felt right. And then...she came into my life...my baby girl. I don't grumble (as much) when I have to wake up early, cause she wakes up with a smile on her face and it is contagious. She laughs at the weirdest things which makes me laugh too. Watching her discover things and learn is awe inspiring. Just thinking about silly, weird, or even small normal things she does puts a smile on my face. She makes funny noises when she drinks her bottle. She "talks" in her sleep. She gets mad and cries when she is frustrated because her little body wants to go, but she isn't quite coordinated enough yet. She is way advanced physically for her age. I love the way she inches towards me or Nick when she wants to cuddle in her sleep or when she just wakes up. I love the way her face lights up when I come home. I LOVE her laugh. I love that I laugh more just being around her. I love that Nick and I do totally silly things with her and its okay. She makes me feel younger and older at the same time. I have always been a worrier...but times that 51234560. I want to be her life long best friend and never go a day without talking to each other. I want her to say "my mom is my best friend." And not because I let her do anything she wants...but because I am a good mom. I want to be a better person, happier person, more positive person for her. I never for one second want her to ever doubt my love for her and what I would do to keep her safe. When she was born I sang to her the Beatles "All You Need is Love." It's true...she is the love of my life...she filled, over flowed, flooded that hole in my heart. Now...I don't know how I ever got through life without her in it. I am so excited and petrified of what the future holds for her. But I am going to give her the best start I possibly can.
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